Saturday, June 13, 2009

Good afternoon. We are coming on to July 4th, so I got out the patriotic background!!

This will be quick. Bryon is at work; and David, Jennifer, and Rachel are in Gardnerville at the carnival. It is very quiet in the house! Sometimes I REALLY enjoy the peace and quiet. I have to go grocery shopping, so this will be quick.

David is doing ok. He did really good in PT yesterday. He knee is buckling on him less and less. He still doesn't have the stamina he once had; maybe he never will, I just don't know. He gets so tired so quickly. The kids are only going to be at the carnival for a couple of hours; I am sure that will be all David will be able to stand anyway.

You know, something finally hit me. We know our lives have been forever changed by an uninvited monster called 'cancer.' That we have know for almost 2 years. But sometimes we have worse days than others. Well, we now know it is because we are going through a 'grieving' process. We are grieving the loss of our child. Now, I know he is still alive, so it is a different kind of grief. We have a totally different child than we had 2 years ago. We now have a disabled child. We now have a child whose future is uncertain. All the hopes and dreams that every parent has for their child are changed for us. Our main hope and dream is that he lives!! We don't take life for granted anymore. We don't just 'assume' that he will grow up. I hope this makes sense. It is a grieving process that we have to go through. We have a child who has lost his childhood, his innocence, his ability to walk normally, his natural knee and femur, some lung tissue, some of his bowels, a year of his life spent in the hospital, etc. And all for an 'incurable' cancer. Maybe in time, with research and funding, they will be able to cure osteosarcoma. I just pray that they do. And I pray it comes in time for him.

I don’t know how many of you readers have ever been on a pediatric oncology floor. If you have ever walked the halls and seen the smiles or tears on the faces of these little fighters as they play on the little trikes and big wheels. How the moms and dads race behind them with the ever present IV pole. How they have little child-sized masks on because they are at high risk of infection. How the teens hang together and still try to be cool, even though they’re bald and ready to throw up at any time. How the teens have added words like methotrexate and acronyms like ANC to their vocabulary, instead of LOL and "sweet". How the poor little baby's cry because they can't even relate what hurts. Or if you've ever seen a mom or dad alone in the parent room at 3 am, with their head in their hands, feeling alone, helpless, scared and mad. I don't know if you've ever visited a Care Page or a Caring Bridge site besides this one, blogs where we tell our children's stories. I've seen it all and more. I have seen enough. I have lived through it. I am still living it. I will forever live it.

Thank you for visiting. Thank you for your prayer, love, and emotional support. Thank you for 'listening' to me bare my feelings. Have a great rest of your Saturday. I am off to the store! God bless you. We love you. {{HUGS}}

Kristi and the Koury Klan

If you're going through hell, keep going. ~Winston Churchill